Don't Do Resolutions - Do What You Love!
By Susi White
Don’t Do Resolutions – Do What You Love!
"He who does not travel,
who does not read,
who does not listen to music,
who does not find grace in himself,
dies slowly."
Pablo Neruda
Happy new year! Have you noticed that all of the January magazines and newspapers are running the usual crop of articles about making new year’s resolutions, and 101 ways to help you kick the bad habits that you’ve been indulging in throughout 2006? Depressing isn’t it? All it does is focus our attention on how 'bad' we are. At this time of year I feel quite brow-beaten into doing something to improve myself, to make myself a better person – thinner, healthier, more intelligent, a better wife, friend or daughter, more employable…and that I'm being told to do it, not because it will make me happier, but because I'm somehow not good enough just being the way I am. So we dutifully make new year's resolutions, to do the things we 'should' (but don't necessarily want to) do, and in the first flush of excitement about our new goal we can feel quite positive about it all. The thing is, if it's not something we really genuinely deep down want to do, and enjoy doing, after a few weeks we'll lose motivation and momentum, feel depressed and lose our way. Then of course we beat ourselves up about not achieving that goal again, and head straight for the biscuit tin or the stash of ‘emergency’ cigarettes. (Or is that just me?!)
This year I propose something different – rather than stopping the things we feel we ‘shouldn’t do’, let’s do more of the things we love to do. One definition of coaching is helping people get better at the things they’re already good at. So instead of thinking we need help to remedy the bad things about ourselves, we can focus on the things we’re already good at, and love, and learn to be even better at them.
The things that we love to do are usually things that we’re already quite good at. If you enjoy something, you do it because you want to; the more you do something the better you get at it; the better you are at something, the more you enjoy it, and so on – it’s a positive circle. When we do things that bring us joy not only do we get better at them, we bring ourselves greater happiness. When we are happier, we’re generally nicer to the people around us and bring them greater happiness too. Happiness spreads like a ripple in water, and inspires others to find and create their own happiness. Now that can’t be bad, can it?
“But what about these terrible things in my life I want to be rid of?” you may be wondering. What about the things I should give up, the smoking, the drinking, the gossiping, the chocolate hob nobs, the unnecessary shopping on eBay…? Surely I should be focusing my new year’s resolution on ‘being better’ and ‘doing things differently’ this year - eradicating the bad habits and bad parts of myself? Well, here’s the really good part about doing what you love. The more time you spend doing things you love, the less time you have to do the things that don’t serve you. The happier you are, the less you’ll feel the need for a cigarette or a drink, or a gossip or a pair of ridiculously expensive shoes that don’t actually fit. That’s because these are things we tend to do when we’re not happy, to make ourselves feel better. Remove the need to feel better, by making yourself happy, and you eradicate both the problem (feeling unhappy) and the symptom (spending time and money on things that make you feel better in the short term but worse in the long term, like drink, drugs and retail therapy!).
We all know, for example, that diets don’t work. Not just because it’s been scientifically proven many times, but because we all know that if we feel deprived of something, eventually that feeling will tip over into an “oh stuff it, I’ll have it anyway” mode and then we go over the top. It doesn't just apply to diets - anyone who’s ever tried to give something up will know that feeling when you’ve deprived yourself too much, and then swing back the other way just as hard, diving head first into an entire chocolate cake, or a whole bottle of wine, or a whole packet of cigarettes, because you feel you ‘deserve’ it. Not only is it a false economy, it’s terribly damaging to your motivation and sense of self.
So instead of beating yourself up this year, denying and depriving yourself, I’d like to encourage you to do more of something you truly love. Instead of focusing our attention on the bad things we do, let’s focus our attention on what makes us happy, and do more of them. When you do what you love, not only do you get better at those things (often leading to a rewarding hobby, or even a new career path), you become happier, calmer, more relaxed, and a much nicer person to be around. Even better, you’ll discover that after a few hours (or even minutes) of doing something you really love, that you’ve been so caught up in enjoying yourself, the thought of cigarettes, chocolate or retail therapy hasn’t even entered your head.
So why not try this: make a list of the things that you truly love to do, just for fun. These are the things that, when you do them, time flies past and you forget where you are. Write down all the things you can think of that make you feel happy, contented, and completely absorbed in what you’re doing. That might include: reading, writing, painting, singing, gardening, running, doing crosswords or sudoku, knitting, talking to friends, playing tennis, learning, meditating, doing yoga, playing golf, reading about one of your hobbies. When you’ve written down your list, put it somewhere you’ll see it often, such as on your desk, the fridge, your dressing table or computer screen.
Whenever you find yourself feeling bored, unhappy and in the kind of kicking-around-the-house kind of mood when you’d ordinarily reach for a cigarette / drink / chocolate bar, go to your list and do one of the things on it, even if it’s just for half an hour. This is your play time, your ‘me’ time in which to do what you love, simply for the sake of making yourself happy; and why not? You deserve it!
Life is to be enjoyed – let’s make 2007 a year in which we all make ourselves happier!
Susi White
The White Havens: Helping you Life A Richer Life!
Susi White is a Life Coach, Reiki Master, Holistic Therapist and Writer.
She specialises in coaching women to enjoy lives of ultimate health, wealth and happiness, both by telephone and at her practice in North Essex.
If you're ready to live a richer life, contact Susi today!
Visit www.thewhitehavens.co.uk
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