Making Changes
By Sally Lever
When I first decided to downshift some 8 years ago, together with my family, one of the decisions we made was to move house. We migrated from the leafy suburbs of Surrey to sunny Somerset, where we believed it was less expensive to live. I can remember that, during one of my many car journeys down to Somerset looking for a house to rent, I found myself horribly lost and resorted to asking a passing stranger for directions.
“Would you give me directions to Langport, please?” I asked.
He looked perplexed for a few moments, closing his eyes, raising his hand to his forehead and scratching it.
“Oh no,” I thought “maybe he’s not local.”
Then he finally looked me in the eye and said rather accusingly “What, from here you mean?”
And I’ve always remembered that incident, not just because it made me laugh, but because I thought it was representative of some of the situations we find ourselves in life. There are times when we would dearly love to make changes in our lives, but find it difficult to do that from here, from the situation that we are presented with at that moment. Then we find ourselves thinking “If only things were different, then I would willingly downshift/ take the children out of school/ change my job/ move house/ find a life partner.” But things aren’t different and the first thing we need to do before we can make any changes is accept where we are now. Whatever our situation is, that is where we’re starting from and that’s what we’re working with.
Take James for example. James (not his real name) was a client who came to me for coaching having lost his job through stress-induced ill health. Initially he had found it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that he felt he had let his family down by failing to be the breadwinner, by placing the added burden on them of his illness and because he had no answers to their questions about what he was going to do next.
With coaching, he was able to describe in detail his starting point for changing his life, accept his situation and shed his many resentful feelings. He began to plan his recovery in a proactive way. He gave himself permission to find a path forward that would not only provide an income for his family again, but would give him meaningful and fulfilling employment, doing something he felt he could put his heart into. This was something he had never dared dream of before.
How did James do it?
There are various ways he explored for making the changes he needed to make. He used several of these at various stages of his recovery and his ventures into re-employment:
1. Small Steps.
This is appropriate when we are choosing to make a change and have time to plan the shift. When we can already see the opportunities available, then we can break our plan down into small, easy to manage steps. This is often a good option when making life changes involving the whole family, when lots of different preferences are being taken into account.
2. Giant Leaps.
Sometimes there are points in our lives when we reach a sudden realisation about our life situation. Perhaps this has happened to you, where your authentic self reveals itself to you through the haze of conformity and you decide that you can no longer tolerate living a lie. In these kinds of circumstances, changing to a lifestyle that’s in keeping with your values may involve a giant leap. This step may be preceded with a great deal of trepidation, but often the revelation itself will supply you with the energy and courage to take that leap. In such a circumstance I once left my job, my home and my partner all within the space of a few months. What emerged from that was a much happier future, much more in keeping with who I am.
3. Most important thing first.
Is there one burning issue that, above all else, you are convinced you know the solution to? Sometimes this is the key to your next step. Perhaps it’s a vocation you know you have to pursue, downshifting your home to pay off your mortgage or starting to home educate your children. At times like these, focussing on what’s most important for you is the key. Then it becomes easier to handle the smaller issues around that decision.
4. Just take the first step.
This is a useful option to consider when you are experiencing a great deal of resistance to moving towards your goal. Then it’s often worth doing anything just to get the momentum going and get you over that first hurdle of resistance. In my experience, even the tiniest and seemingly insignificant of actions can cause a shift in motivation. If it turns out to be the wrong step, you can usually make corrections or start again.
There are many ways in which we can make changes. With some thought, and once we have accepted our starting point, we can choose a method that best suits our present circumstances.
© Sally Lever 2006 www.sallylever.co.uk
Sally Lever is a Sustainable Living Coach who specializes in supporting and inspiring those who are downshifting or otherwise moving towards a more sustainable way of life. She offers one-to-one coaching, teleclasses in “How to step off the Treadmill” and a free email newsletter.
This article was posted by Sally Lever
